TW3 and shake, rattle and roll

November 14th, 2007

That Was The Week That Was … a little less gruesome and a little more amusing than usual; and anyway … life is just a dream sh’bop.

Do note that the strongest earthquake of the century occurred today in Chile at 7.7 … China has it a 7.9. Only two deaths reported at this point; that will likely change.

Jude

HARPER’S WEEKLY REVIEW
November 13, 2007

Pakistani President General Pervez Musharraf said that the
country will hold parliamentary elections in January but
refused to give a date for ending his emergency decree
or stepping down as head of the military. Opposition
leader Benazir Bhutto was placed under house arrest
when she tried to attend a political rally. President
George W. Bush said that General Musharraf has been an
“indispensable ally.” Burma’s military junta permitted
pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under
house arrest for 12 of the past 18 years, to meet with her
party. At an Ibero-American summit in Chile, Venezuelan
President Hugo Chavez called Spain’s former prime
minister a fascist, adding, “fascists are not human. A
snake is more human.” “Why don’t you shut up?” asked the
king of Spain. The Senate approved Michael Mukasey as
U.S. Attorney General even though he refused to condemn
waterboarding. Congress overrode President Bush’s veto for
the first time, on a water bill that earmarked money for
the Everglades and the Gulf Coast, and half of New Orleans
streetcars were still broken. Congress cheered a speech
by French President Nicolas Sarkozy. “You just heard a
Ronald Reagan speech from a president of France,” said a
Republican senator from Kentucky. One full year remained
before the U.S. presidential election. Ron Paul raised
$4.2 million in 24 hours; Mitt Romney said that children
were better off with dead straight rather than living gay
parents; and Ben Cohen, the co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s,
denied that there were plans for a John Edwards flavor of
ice cream, but said that a hypothetical Edwards ice cream
would not be a “very fluffy flavor” and suggested it be
called “Captain Courageous Crunch.” It was reported that
more American troops were killed in 2007 than in any year
since the start of the Iraq war, and at least 75 people,
including 59 children, were killed in Afghanistan’s
deadliest suicide bombing since the fall of the Taliban.

Wrestler Mary Lillian Ellison, known as the Fabulous
Moolah, died at 84, as did writer and wife-stabber Norman
Mailer. Members of the Writers Guild of America went on
strike to demand greater profits from new forms of media,
television networks hired “loyalty consulting firms” to
figure out how to lure back viewers, and a North Carolina
researcher found that female spadefoot toads will mate with
other species of toad in order to increase the survival
rate of their tadpoles. Canadian scientists discovered
that women are more likely to swing their hips seductively
when they are at their least fertile, and researchers in
Pittsburgh found that women with big hips and small waists
had smarter children. Obesity was found to cause cancer
in women, and researchers announced that ten years after
a woman stops taking birth-control pills her heightened
risk of cervical cancer returns to normal. Ted Klaudt,
a former Republican South Dakota state legislator, was
convicted of raping his teenage foster daughters. Klaudt
convinced the girls that he was a licensed gynecologist
and massaged their breasts (”to get the fibroids out”)
and vaginas regularly to ascertain their capability for
egg donation. A London woman, who says she only called
herself the “Lyrical Terrorist” because “it sounded cool,”
was convicted under the UK Terrorism Act for posting poems
on the Internet praising Osama bin Laden and for owning
terrorist manuals. “You have been in many respects,” said
the judge, “a complete enigma to me.” Voters in Great
Britain decided that their most ridiculous law was one
that makes it illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

Italian police discovered the Mafia’s Ten
Commandments. “Always being available for Cosa Nostra is
a duty,” reads number five, “even if your wife’s about
to give birth.” Companies in Florida were forbidding
their employees to smoke, even in private. “If you are an
alcoholic and we have the right to fire you, we will do
so,” said the president of Westgate Resorts. “And if you
are obese and there is a way for us not to hire you or
to fire you, we will do that, too.” Desperate to protect
themselves from crime, many South Africans were attending
martial arts classes taught by Bruce Lee’s top student,
Grandmaster Richard Bustillo. “I was born in 1975 and
Bruce died in 1973,” said one pupil. “He was a Chinese
guy but maybe he came back as an African?” Nigeria was
suing American tobacco companies for promoting underage
smoking, and California was suing the federal government
for preventing it from reducing car pollution. Soon after
“Aqua Dots,” a China-made bead toy aimed at children
four and older, was named Australia’s toy of the year,
4.2 million units were recalled because chemicals in the
tiny beads, when metabolized, turn into the date-rape
drug GHB. Eight-year-old twins from Ohio were nationally
recognized for inventing wedgie-proof underpants, and
doctors performed a 40-hour operation to remove four limbs
from an eight-limbed Indian girl, who is believed by some
to be an incarnation of the Hindu goddess Lakshmi.

– Chantal Clarke
http://harpers.org/archive/2007/11/WeeklyReview2007-11-13

In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.

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