TW3

September 19th, 2007

That Was The Week That Was … painful to read about; it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find the charm in these brief recaps — so I’m going to stop trying. Particularly discouraging news about the gorillas, by the way.

I s’pose I’ll try to view these weekly snippits in the spirit of “gotta get worse before it gets better” … and as your pony-in-the-horse-shit Moderator, I’ll let you know at the first sign of a snort, neigh or fly-twitch of good news in that regard.

Jude

HARPER’S WEEKLY REVIEW
September 18, 2007

General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan C. Crocker
testified to Congress about progress in the war in Iraq;
Crocker summarized 2006 as “a bad year,” but blamed
ongoing sectarian violence on Saddam Hussein’s “social
deconstruction” of the country. Petraeus cited progress
in the Anbar region as evidence that his surge strategy is
working. He suggested that one Army brigade might be home
for Christmas, and that the surge might be over by next
July. Barack Obama proposed removing at least one brigade
per month, starting now, until all troops are out by the
end of next year. President Bush supported the Petraeus
plan, also citing progress in the Anbar Province and his
recent meetings with leaders there. Sunni sheik Abdul
Sattar Abu Risha, the leader of the “Anbar Awakening,”
who had recently been photographed shaking Bush’s hand,
was assassinated. “His death has squeezed our heart,”
said Ali Hatem Ali Suleiman, head of a rival tribal
organization. “Now, I swear to God, if we will hear anyone
is with Al Qaeda, even if he is still inside his mother’s
womb, we will kill him.” A new British poll estimated
that 1.2 million people had died so far in the war, and
former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan wished
that politicians would admit that the war was “largely
about oil.”

Thousands of people joined veterans in an antiwar march
in Washington, D.C., at which 189 people were arrested,
and Geoff Millard, president of the D.C. chapter of Iraq
Veterans Against the War, urged the peace movement to “take
the next step past protest and to resistance.” A U.S. State
Department official speculated that North Korea was helping
Syria develop nuclear weapons, and an elite presidential
guard unit in the Central African Republic was charged
with various atrocities, including summary executions
and burning whole villages. Bush nominated former federal
judge Michael B. Mukasey as Attorney General, and Russian
president Vladimir Putin dissolved his government,
appointing a little-known technocrat, Viktor Zubkov, as
new Prime Minister. The governor of Ulyanovsk, Russia,
urged everyone to skip work and make love. Yale University
exhibited tools used by Ivan Pavlov to measure dog drool,
including one saliometer given as a gift to the daughter
of a Yale professor, and Republican presidential candidate
Fred Thompson, an outspoken advocate of Cuban sanctions,
defended his large collection of Cuban cigars. “You know,”
he said, “if it’s good, I smoke it.” At a gala hosted by
Mr. Sulu from “Star Trek,” the Japanese American Citizens
League saluted Sen. Larry Craig (R., Idaho), and tourists
flocked to the airport men’s room stall where Craig was
recently arrested for attempted cruising. “I checked it
out,” said Jon Westby of Minneapolis, who was with his
wife, Sally, visiting the stall for his second time. “It’s
the second stall from the right.”

Arctic ice was found to be melting about ten times faster
than in previous years, leaving the Northwest Passage
conveniently ice-free. Leftists in Mexico sabotaged
oil pipelines for the third time in three months,
and tech workers in Seattle threw a luau in Gas Works
Park, despite toxic blobs oozing out of the ground
nearby. “I’m not afraid of it,” said Tim Chovanak, who
works for Safeco. “Just don’t eat the dirt.” A museum
in Argentina exhibited three Incan children perfectly
frozen in their sleep 500 years ago. “These are dead
people, Indian people,” noted Gabriel E. Miremont,
the museum’s director. “It’s not a situation for a
party.” Pine beetles infested Georgia, webworms infested
Maine, and crypto parasites infested swimming pools
in Idaho. Foot-and-mouth disease resurfaced in Surrey,
England, and a major outbreak of ebola killed more than
150 people in Congo. Scientists predicted that ebola would
also kill the last remaining western lowland gorillas. Near
Grand Forks, North Dakota, at least 1,600 catfish died of
unknown causes, ruining the fishing season, and evening
traffic slowed in Santa Barbara, California, as commuters
watched the carcass of a 70-foot blue whale drift south
along the highway.

– Sam Stark
http://harpers.org/archive/2007/09/WeeklyReview2007-09-18

“So keep fightin’ for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don’t you forget to have fun doin’ it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin’ ass and celebratin’ the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was.”
~ Molly Ivins, 1944 - 2007

In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes

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