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TW3

That Was The W eek That Was … customarily disturbing; at least no critters went berserk this week … just us.

Jude

HARPERS WEEKLY REVIEW

The Republican candidates for the presidency debated at
the Ronald Reagan Library in California. Senator Sam
Brownback of Kansas said that the day Roe v. Wade was
repealed would be “a glorious day of human liberty and
freedom” and that the current tax system “ought to be
taken behind a barn and killed with a dull ax”; Senator
John McCain of Arizona claimed that he would “follow
[Osama bin Laden] to the gates of hell”; Texas Congressman
Ron Paul said that not going to war in Iraq would have
been “conservative,” because “it’s a Republican, it’s a
pro-American, it follows the Founding Fathers. And
besides, it follows the Constitution.” California
Congressman Duncan Hunter took responsibility for the
border fence in San Diego. “It’s a double fence,” he
said. “It’s not that little straggly fence you see on CNN
with everybody getting over it.” “No one on this stage,”
said former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, “probably
knows Hillary Clinton better than I do,” to which former
New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani replied: “Oh my!”
Collectively, the candidates invoked Reagan’s name nearly
20 times. It was announced that Reagan’s diaries would be
published. “Getting shot,” he wrote in 1981, “hurts.”
Hillary Clinton said at a fund-raiser that her campaign
would be similar to Harriet Tubman going back to free more
slaves, and Congressman John Shimkus (R., Ill.) said that
pulling out of Iraq would be like the Cardinals leaving
the field in the 15th inning to let the Cubs win. Former
Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, who is a Mormon,
declared that his favorite books were *Battlefield Earth*
and the Bible. Israelis were demanding that Prime Minister
Ehud Olmert resign due to his handling of the 2006 war
with Hezbollah; British Prime Minister Tony Blair
announced that he will announce his resignation next week;
and Nicolas Sarkozy, the conservative son of a Hungarian
immigrant, was elected president of France.

Iran’s telecommunications ministry proclaimed that it will
begin filtering immoral messages sent by cell phones, and
police in Tehran forbade barbers from giving men Western
style haircuts or plucking their eyebrows. The
U.N. Refugee Agency reported that more than 36,000 Afghans
had been deported from Iran since late April. The
U.S. Army tightened its rules concerning blogging by
soldiers, and Senator Patrick Leahy (D., Vt.) issued a
subpoena to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales for emails
from Karl Rove regarding the U.S. attorney
firings. President Bush vetoed an Iraq spending bill that
included a timetable for troop withdrawal and threatened
to use his third veto on a bill that would expand the
legal definition of hate crime to include violence based
on gender or sexuality. Officials from more than 50
countries gathered in Egypt and issued a five-year
“International Compact” aimed at stabilizing Iraq. The
Iraqi interior ministry claimed that the head of Al Qaeda
in Iraq had been killed, and Shiite cleric Moktada al-Sadr
called on Iraqis to paint “magnificent tableaux” on
barrier walls that “depict the ugliness and terrorist
nature of the occupier, and the sedition, car bombings,
blood and the like he has brought upon Iraqis.” The
U.S. State Department announced that 40 percent more
people died from terror attacks in 2006 than in the year
before, and American officials denied reports of a plan to
require entry visas for British citizens of Pakistani
origin. Twenty thousand Pakistanis rallied in Islamabad to
protest the suspension of Chief Justice Iftikhar Mohammed
Chaudhry by President Gen. Pervez Musharraf. “The
dictatorial system of government and the concept of
concentration of power is now ended,” Chaudhry said. “All
these are bitter lessons of history.”

Sony apologized and admitted that it might have been
“inappropriate” to promote a new videogame based on Greek
mythology by holding a launch party in London featuring
topless serving girls and guests eating offal from the
stomach of a decapitated goat. Tommy Lee was reportedly
buying the manmade island of “Greece” in Dubai’s “The
World” project for his ex-wife Pamela Anderson, who has
accused him in the past of domestic abuse and giving her
hepatitis C. Britons were enjoying a new reality
television series called “Fat Teens Can’t Hunt” in which
ten overweight teenagers were sent to Australia’s outback
to live and eat with Aboriginal communities. An Irish
teenager, who has been told by doctors that her baby will
not survive more than a few days after birth, appeared in
the High Court in Dublin to apply for the right to travel
to Britain for an abortion. Scottish scientists were
developing a pill that will simultaneously boost women’s
sex drive and decrease their weight. When the pill was
given to monkeys, said the scientists, females displayed
their feelings via “rump presentation and tail wagging”
and males through tongue-flicking and eyebrow-raising. A
68-year-old grandmother in England was the runner-up for
“txt laureate” for writing a love poem to her husband. “O
hart tht sorz,” she wrote, “My luv adorz, He mAks me liv,
He mAks me giv, Myslf 2 him, As my luv porz.” Guests at a
wedding in Patna, India, decided that the groom had
arrived too drunk and had the bride marry his brother
instead, and a farmer in eastern India beheaded one of his
workers with a sword for failing to milk his cows. Four
thousand Filipina mothers in Manila tried to break the
world record for simultaneous breastfeeding.

– Chantal Clarke
http://harpers.org/archive/2007/05/WeeklyReview2007-05-08

“So keep fightin’ for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don’t you forget to have fun doin’ it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin’ ass and celebratin’ the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was.”
~ Molly Ivins, 1944 - 2007

In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
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